I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
