i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Terrible idea I love it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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