there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
