he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
