Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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