dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize