watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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