He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
