did you get engaged???
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
