your parents love me but you hate me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
