Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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