why didn't you poke me back
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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