There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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