why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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