Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
