Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
