He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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