I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
