if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
