She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
