Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
