The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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