When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Are we still banned from the library?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
