i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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