so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
