we made out on top of his cat.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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