That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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