WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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