Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
