dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You took a bar mat shot.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize