I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think a kid would responsible me up
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Shame - the story of my life.
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