found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize