Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize