we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
