woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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