You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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