Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize