very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
