Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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