Please, let me fuck your mom
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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