Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
