I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
