i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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