Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
