im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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