I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
