Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
