At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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