All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
