I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is her dick bigger than yours?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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