So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
