just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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