She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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