I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
