So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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