Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
