got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
