"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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