I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
