I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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