i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
