omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
