Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
