I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
