so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
