i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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